You are the one that controls your life. Even if your conditions are not favorable, even if you have unexpected troubles and think your father, or your wife, or your co-worker are making your life impossible. It ‘s a lie. And the sooner you’re aware of it, the faster you will begin to be happy.
You are the one who chooses how to react to the events and experiences you have throughout your existence.
You can choose to play the victim role “I’m sad because I’ve bad grades in my final exams”, “My life is not progressing because I’m in a job that I hate”, “I’m not happy because the relationship with my girlfriend is impaired” or you can take responsibility for your actions and your own life. Take the reins and take control.
Did you get bad grades in your exam? Study harder for the next one. The blame for your sadness is not the notes, it’s yours.
Do you hate your job? Find another one. Or create new routines that can make you start to like it. Again, the fault is not your work, it’s yours.
You don’t like your relationship with your partner? Fix it. Or break it. But do not take the role of victim. You’re not sad for these external causes, you’re sad because you are not managing your own life. You’re mantaining situations for inertia.
When you get bad grades, you’re the one who has chosen not to study, you are the one who is choosing to keep a job that makes you unhappy, or stay in a dysfunctional relationship with your partner.
If you let the situations take control of your feelings, you will never find happiness. Because there will always be something that does not go well, or is damaged or out of control. And fear paralyze your evolution as a person.
However, if you decide what you do taking responsibility for your own actions, you put yourself in a position of power. Control over the circumstances.
Here are seven tips to start taking responsibility of your life :
1-Don’t blame anyone for the things that you are, do, say or feel. Stop thinking “But it wasn’t my fault…”. You are the one that creates what is in your head.
2 –Do not blame yourself. Once you realize that you’re the creator of your unhappiness, the easiest way it’s sinking into the pit of depression and think “What have I done with my life! ” But here, again, you are taking the role of victim. Grab your mistakes as part of the learning process for not repeating them in the future.
3 – Analyze how and when you are not taking responsibilities to learn and change. Some of the emotions we feel when we are not in control of the situation are: impatience, anger, envy, jealousy, stress, lack of focus , pain, sadness… If you feel any of these things, ask yourself why and change it.
4 – Control your inner voice. That which marks your thoughts “Maybe Peter has not called me because I was too insistent. Maybe it’s good that I call him. But if I call and he’s not there that means that he’s with someone. And if he’s with someone it can be a girl. What if he is not calling me because he is starting with another person? I should ask him directly. The next time we meet I will ask for explanations about this behavior”
if at any time you surprise yourself having internal conversations like this one, stop. Stop, and think, and reason. Do not let your feelings guide your actions.
5 – Be aware of the things that block your progress. Once you discover your fears, it will be easier to attack and eliminate them. You’re afraid of your partner leaving you? Do you believe that you are gonna get fired from your job? That your parents are going to die? Streamline your fear and cast it from your life.
6 – Think about what you want in your life, and act accordingly. Are you out of shape? You do not like your house? Are you unhappy in your job? Change it. Ask yourself what are your goals and go for them. Exercise, redecorate your space, looking for methods that will encourage your job, or simply leave it. All of us, including you, have the power of change.
7- Be aware of the amount of choices and possibilities that you have at all times. You are choosing how you feel, what you do and how you live. When you have a difficult situation, you choose to process it in a positive way, or from the suffering.
If, after being planning your holidays for months, the weather is awful and it’s raining, you can get sad and think “What a bad luck” or find a way to enjoy it anyway.
If your husband is cheating on you, you can feel jealousy and rage and anger, and go out of your home bringing all your stuff, or you can connect with your insecurities and your discomfort and sit down with him to talk sincerely.
Choosing to take the reins of your life is always your choice. It is a difficult task, and it will cost a lot of effort and mind control, but it will enrich your life and it will make you to be each day a little happier.
I’m still in the process 🙂
[All the guidelines discussed here are an interpretation of the book by Susan Jeffers “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. I recommend it to everyone! And thanks to Nicklas for lending it to me! ]