It’s funny the amount of experiences that you find in the pornographic industry. Some are good and some not so good , but as an actress you always have to find a way to take what comes to you constructively, or you have the risk of destroy one of the most intimate, beautiful and profound things that you have: your sexuality.
As I am really picky about with who I shoot, the number of positive, funny and constructive experiences I’ve had in this world has been high. Very high.
But occasionally the superficiality of people fall to my soul like a bucket of cold water.
Nina Hurtley said in an interview that most actors and actresses are in this business because they are addicted to sex, fame or money. With the first ones I usually get along great, but when I have to shoot with one of the others, things start to creak a little more.
And sometimes you have to record with people who doesn’t give a shit about you. It’s not that I’m waiting to sleep hugging my co-star, but a minimum of concern or care for the other person is always appreciated. A “Hey what’s up? Are you okay?”. That’s enough.
When I shoot I always try to make the other person feel comfortable, and of course give them pleasure, help if the position we have to do is difficult…and in resume, make it easy for them to enjoy as much as possible.
Unfortunately, for those working on this industry to make a lot of money in really few time you’re not an actress, you’re not a mate. You’re the way for them to get a wad of cash. And they are not going to worry about you, your well-being or your enjoyment. They do not care if you like what they are doing or if they are hurting you.
They machined their performances, and only know how to put the same face and do the same things. A groan here. An “orgasm” there. The mouth wide open and the moans very high. But inside there is nothing. They are empty. No pleasure, no attraction.
They don’t kiss you, and even look at you in the eyes. How the hell can you fuck someone without look in the eyes, for god’s shake?
It’s amazing how frivolous can be this world, and how difficult it is to process these things when you are on the other side. Imagine that you are fucking a beautiful girl to who you really feel attracted to and with who you would want to do everything. And she’s cold as marble, stares at you as a statue and fakes. Fakes everything and you can notice it. Could you still be horny?
If this happens in your private life, cavalierly I would open the door and send her home.
But in a film you can’t do that.
I personally try to have fun and enjoy every scene, not only to show my pussy and make money. And when I am shooting with someone that I feel attractive and who I want to have sex with, and the person kiss me with the mouth closed…then I get sad.
And this is where it comes into play the ability to know how to process all of this positively. Taking a complex situation and make it constructive. Because it is very easy to get depressed and make a bad scene. Or worse, start faking you too.
When this kind of thing happens to me, I try to focus on myself, on my own pleasure and the intention to give pleasure to the other person. Because for me, knowing that the other person is enjoying is what turns me on the most in sex. So I try to do everything the best as I can; sometimes it works and the other person changes his/her attitude and start to really enjoy.
Sometimes not, and then I’ll feel that I have done everything right, that I have given to my partner and the camera the best of myself and my sexuality.
Because if I fall into the game of the other person and start to fake too, then I’ll feel like crap. I’d be betraying my values and the reasons why I got into this industry. What I propose is more complex, but more comforting for my soul.
Please actors and actresses who are reading this: never fall into monotony. Never begin to shoot only to make money.
Because you will destroy your sexuality, and you’ll leave corpses on the sides.