About hiding that I work in porn and being myself

You meet a new guy. Talk to him. He seems friendly! You laugh a lot, you talk about your lives. And then the question: What do you do for a living? Shit. Again.

The great dichotomy: To lie or not to lie? I am a porn actress.

Based on my experience, 90 % of people radically change their attitude. They will try to flirt with you without in a rude way, and even invite you to go to their house.
Of the remaining 10 %, half will see you as a guinea pig, and will ask curious questions about the industry, how much do you earn and what’s the most extreme thing you have done in a scene. The other 5% will treat you exactly the same, they will ask you some questions and the conversation will flow normally.

It’s not nice. It makes me feel like a piece of meat in a tray of exposure. As if my value as a thinking being was worth little, very little .

The other option is not telling the whole truth and say that I devote myself to anything else “Photographer”, “Videographer”, “Productor”. Some kind of vague answer that does not make me fall into the deep pit of lies, but which don’t detail exactly what is my profession.
This was what I did before. Until I came to America.

For those who have just come to this blog, I will tell you the situation: Two years ago I won a wonderful scholarship to finish my career in Santa Fe, New Mexico. It’s one of the most prestigious universities in the world in the field of cinematography, the “Santa Fe Univeristy of Art and Design”. My partners were paying thousands to attend each one of the classes.

In my documentary photography class we got an assingment for the first week: We had to interview and take pictures to a randomly chosen mate. A girl interviewed me. She asked me what I was doing. I lied. I do not even remember what I said, that I was a model, or that I had a production company, something like that. Not a lie, but certainly not the whole truth.

The next day the teacher projected the interviews during class, and I could see what they had answered the rest of my classmates. Most of them had been sincere to the point of baring their souls, telling stories about how they had been abandoned by their family, how they had been abused , how they had been addicted to drugs. And there I was, in the middle, showing a watered down version of myself for fear of not being accepted. For fear of not making friends in a new country, a new university, a place where I know nobody.

And I thought: No, this is not what I want. If these people have had the courage to tell the rest of us something so profound, what am I doing hiding that I work in porn?. Like if I felt ashamed of what I do .

Since then, I radically changed the way I communicate with my environment. No more lies. I love being in this industry and I have no reason to hide it, so if someone asks me what I do: I’m a porn actress. And producer. And director. And you know what? I love my job.

What are the advantages of this method? The quick failure. When I meet someone new, on the same day I can know if I’m interested or not in him/her as a person. Because if someone is prejudging me to belong to this world, he does not deserve to be among my friends.

And that’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with healthy, constructive people who values you for ​​how you really are. That bother to learn a little beyond the facade. I return to the theme of “you are what you surround yourself with”.

Be yourself.
Do not be afraid to do the things you want.
Or to let the world know how you really are.

1 comment
  1. I admire you for the profession you chose and being good at it

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